Has Social Media Changed Our Grieving Process?

Has Social Media Changed Our Grieving Process? – Antonia Harler

In this guest post, Antonia Harler takes a look at how the adoption of social media/networks has affected the way we grieve the loss of a loved one. Deep right? Deep but very interesting…

There are no words to describe how a mother feels when she holds her newborn baby in her hands for the very first time. Neither are there words to describe how it feels to lose a loved one. The world stands still and yet, the clock keeps on ticking. Incredible joy or overwhelming sadness sinks in and no-one knows what it feels like. Or do they?

Can Social Media help the grieving process?

In the era of social networking, intimate moments have become less intimate. Facebook, Twitter & Co have changed the way we live. Social media often becomes a window into the daily trials and trivialities of human life. It has changed how we live, share happiness and ultimately grieve. As isolated as we feel in the moments of indescribable sadness, we are not alone in our grief.

Profile pages become raw and unfiltered memorials after their holders pass. Friends, family and acquaintances will fill their walls with comments, pictures and videos. Social networks reveal a detailed picture of the person who once was, and remains online.

Every bit of information that we chose to post on social networks, such as status updates and wall-to-wall conversations, is immortalized on the web. People keep on living through a digital outlet, providing everyone who’s been left behind with the opportunity to deliver a very personalized miniature eulogy. Emotions are shared and the mourning process becomes less isolated and increasingly collective. Grievers no longer cry on one trusty shoulder but instead share their loss with hundreds.

Blogs become the place where feelings are expressed. The ones that are too overwhelming to say out loud, attracting more support and soothing words.

And yet, despite all the support, all the soothing words and the shared love the grieving process remains intimate. Nothing will take away the pain or the questions. The clock will continue to tick and the memories remain.

That begs the question, if bringing the grief and loss into the social media world is a good thing. Is being constantly reminded of everything that was and never will be again soothing or upsetting? Does getting to know different sides to the person that we loved so much, after their death, help us heal or will it make us regret?

Do we need to protect our loved ones from all of the above or shall we let them deal with it? Websites such as My Wonderful Life, GreatGoodBye, Legacylocker and Slightly Morbid allow all of us to set up online wills and prepare Emails that are sent to our loved ones after we die, pictures and videos included.

Is sending an Email, a Facebook message or a Tweet after you passed morbid or is it a destination our society is heading towards? Morbid or not, one question remains: Is the permanent digital footprint that we leave behind helpful or painful for the ones we leave behind?

What do you think? We’d love to hear your thoughts. The comment section is yours. Let’s discuss.

Antonia recently graduated and holds a degree in Management, Communications & IT. She’s performed extensive research on how to best use Twitter for Relationship Marketing and is currently on the hunt for her dream job in London. For more information about her visit her blog , follow her on Twitter or join her on Facebook .

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The Social Media Process – Diagram

http://www.contently-managed.com/blog Craig McGill

I think it shows more how social media has shaped people – especially in Britain – where many people would keep their grief private but many more people feel the need to be public about it now.

http://www.socialglitz.com Antonia

Craig, I think that our society has changed in general. We increasingly share our private lives online. Sometimes the line between our online and offline lives becomes so blurry it eventually disappears. I think at the end of the day, everyone needs to decide themselves what and if they are comfortable sharing very intimate and private moments online.

http://socialtailor.com Colin Gilchrist

Antonia, what a beautiful post; thank you.

I have been known to be quite cold towards certain topics and persistently look for commercial urgency within the social marketplace. This provides an interesting look at human nature.

I’ll never forget when someone I know was desperately looking for sources to help their dying mother; scouring the internet (around 10 years ago) using forums and pleading with anyone that would listen to point them in the right direction – ended up saying: “help me, I’ll sell my soul to the devil for the answer.” Really tragic and very public display of emotion. I wonder now that many more people are active online if they would have handled it differently and had more success in finding people to help?

http://www.socialglitz.com Antonia

Hi Colin,

I think times have changed dramatically from 10 years ago. These days it’s possible to find help online. Whether it’s support forums, communities, social networks or simply a cry for help on Twitter. Chances are that someone will hear you and will be willing to help out.

People are definitely more open when it comes to dealing with joy, sadness, anger,.. especially online. Sometimes we forget the consequences. I’m not sure how I feel about it personally but I think that for some the Internet and especially social media offers comfort.

Jeff

I think we are meant to forget these things, imagine just when you are getting through the immediate passing of someone close. Someone so close it puts you in a bed under the covers for two weeks when they pass. Imagine you’ve started venturing back out into the world, your friends are dragging you places and that dead space inside you starts to come alive again, sparks of life come back, you smile for the first time in who knows how long and it’s a genuine smile, not a fake, thanks for coming and eating my food kinda smile. Then you check and an email or tweet, whatever pops up from the person you lost…Personally, I can’t imagine the kind of blow that might strike, how far it would set someone back in the grieving process.

Forget is probably the wrong word, you won’t forget anyone that is that close to you, you will always remember the times you shared, but the sadness from them being gone won’t be the only thing you think about 24/7 forever.

I have considered having someone be in charge of removing my accounts from being online when I pass. I haven’t acted on this, but I do think about it.
http://macfak.wordpress.com Kelly Forbes

Great post Antonia, I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on “memorial accounts” on social networks. I’ve lost a couple of my school friends and have often found their Facebook pages rather upsetting to visit. Seeing some of their last public thoughts just reinforces how abruptly their life was cut short.

Another thought I’ve had on this subject is when the grieving process becomes so public like this accross social networks, who steps in to comfort the person? Does making it public make people more ambivilant towards someone’s pain as they assume someone else will step in to help them?
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